Why Mo Yuan and Bai Qian Should Have Been a Couple

 Hi, I am baaaaaaaaack!

Today I write about a second male lead who I absolutely love and I believe he deserved justice, because the writers did him dirtyyyyyyyy.

Yes, dirty dirty dirty!

As always, second male leads never receive the love they deserve, and will sometimes not even have a happy ending. The first female lead has to experience a hard life, while the second or third female lead just coasts through the story line with her love like a river. 

Which makes me say that Mo Yuan and Bai Qian were more ideal as a pair than Ye Hua and Bai Qian. Why do I think this way? Well, first, he always had her best interests at heart. He also knew that she was a woman despite her dressing as a man. He saw her true potential and never doubted her. He was fully committed to her, took her ascension test for her, and literally sacrificed himself for her (and the goodness of the world). 

Bai Qian would have never lost her child-like happiness if she wasn't kidnapped and the war didn't happen. Unfortunately, they did. They made her grow up very fast and she had to become an adult. 

With Ye Hua, she had to put up with his standoffish family when she was SuSu. Then she was taken advantage of and they tried to get rid of her. They took away her eyesight and milked her dry for all she was worth. Her marriage was definitely an M&A but it would probably have gone differently if Bai Qian did not meet Ye Hua during her love trial. She lost so much because of him. 

Yes, I know, with much loss, there is much gain. I know, but how sire are we Bai Qian still doesn't side eye Ye Hua and his family as complete pieces of a not-so-kind-word? Maybe even daily? She definitely has a right to hold a grudge for the rest of her life! Now, if it was Mo Yuan, who wanted nothing but the best for her, she would be shy and cute and it would be nice. 

So for me, Mo Yuan and Bai Qian deserved to be a legit couple. They should have been. 

No Takebacks

 Hello from the other side... I didn't call for any thousands or hundreds or tens or ones, so sorry.

It has been a while since I have updated, and believe me, I have forgotten how to use a computer keyboard. Yes, I really have, and I do not even feel the slightest bit of guilt about it... Or maybe I do, because deep down I am an introvert. I express better with written statements than spoken ones. Here is my new update, haha. You should see me now, hunched over the keyboard typing hahahahhaahah

One of my avid readers reached out to me last year asking me why I do not post anymore. I guess I have been busy... or maybe I just needed to take a break and a big step away from my babies. Yes, three in fact whichcare overdue for an update. It has been years, as I keep saying. The reasons behind my disappearance are numerous, but one of them was quite prominent. One of the last posts I made might have been a little stronger than usual. I guess I had just had it at that point. 

In recent years, I have come to realise that there was no shame in what I said about my religion, and how everyone who meets me or is in my life acts or has acted is not entirely up to me. I have so far realised that there are things I can control, for example, how much water I can take, or how many people I can meet in my house on a given day, but when it comes to people's decisions on whether they see me as the kind of person they want to marry or not marry, I have no power over that. 

Why am I even talking about marriage? Was the post about that? I guess it might have bordered on that...? I can remember asking myself why I wrote what I wrote many nights later, heck, I still ask myself why I did it, but I have no regrets. My only regret is probably believing that everyone is like me, that we think the same. My only other regret is that I might have lumped everyone up the same, and that this might have an effect on who desires me... or who doesn't desire me... but I would rather have that caution at the back of my mind, right? Kind of like how all public health specialists believe that one case of measles is an indication that there are more within the community, so we march right in and take control on outbreak umm... control... 

My wandering thoughts are back again, apparently, like they never left. Hahaha

I have no regrets on how I feel. I do regret telling Miley and Leigh Anne that they both needed to be... more... decent... but at this point I realise I had pick-me tendencies, and I can apologise to myself, them and all the other girls for these. With age, I have come to crave peace and want little or no drama. I do not even check Twitter as much anymore unless I want news updates STAT. If I can be frank with myself this way, I will have less regrets. AT the end of the day, all of us women just want to be happy and settled, whether with a spouse, a pet, a plant or whatever else we fancy. 

So, will I be taking back my opinion on that post? No siree. Will I be releasing an album soon? Uh, you better ask me that when I have settled myself properly. I honestly craved writing and with so many balls up in the air right now, I just wanted to unwind, test my grammar and typing speed, and tell all of you that I need a new computer so if anyone wants to swing some help my way, ahem, with a gift because my birthday is soon, please do. Also, remember to tell more friends that I need a mic and premium lifetime subscription to all the software needed to make a homestudio succeed. If anyone can volunteer to help me learn to play a guitar and buy me one too, that will be massively helpful. Also, a great salary would be amazing... It takes a village to make an album and sell it. Let's go people! :D

In my defense, Miley is back with Flowers, and the Jonas Bros are all back together. Who knows who is coming back next? Also, it is almost Ramadhan again, and my fingers hurt from this typing because I have not done this in a long time.I will be updating my other blogs soon, so keep your eyes peeled. 

Mucho besos,

Me!

Travel Diaries II

I promised I'd do more travel blogs a while back, and here is my second installment.

For this second instalment, I want to talk about my first time visiting Siaya. This is famed as the land of the heroes, and by that I mean a lot of famous people are believed to have been born and lived here. Odero Akang'o, Lwanda Magere (I think), Raila Odinga, Arwings Kodhek...?

And it is also the county that hosts Ng'iya, Lwak, Maranda, Rang'ala and one other school that goes Ch and is in Raried but I can't remember (which is funny because I went there numerous times heehee).

So let us get on with it.

°•°•°•°•

As you may have picked up from some of my hints in the other blogs, I got a few jobs after my internship. I worked as a hotel manager then became an intern again before deciding to go back home.

During my first visit to Siaya, I was so excited and started google-mapping the town. I wanted to live right next to the lake, but that would not be possible. Siaya was over twenty kilometres from Lake Victoria.

I arrived at 8.00 am in the morning and didn't think that my luggage would explode right at the gate of the office. I immediately headed to Ugenya Sub county for my first task of the day.

As I spent more time in Siaya, I came to the conclusion that the region had a higher temperature than my hometown. Siaya town had a peculiar weather phenomenon: the air would just sit and the heat would press down on people.

Visiting Siaya would require one to use sunscreen.

The other thing was that the fringes of the county next to the lake had great breezes. While working, I visited little villages next to the azure inland sea. I'll probably do a good update on that.

I think the only sub counties that were landlocked were Gem, Ugunja and Ugenya. Funny thing is how these three sub counties have some of the biggest rivers in Western Kenya flowing through them.

I need to end this here. I will make another update on this. Have a lovely time.

For The Non-Semitic, Non-Cushitic Muslim Girl In The Back

I am in a fishy mood today. I guess I am really fed up. So, here goes my address to my dark skinned non-cushitic, non-semitic muslim sisters in the back. How is your seen? Are you strong? Do you get lonely? How are the admirers? Do they make you fear for your life? 

Have you started trying to compromise your morals for a spouse?

Yes. You must be surprised by these questions if you, 
1. Are not a Muslim girl
2. Are not a non-cushitic, non-semitic Muslim girl
3. Are not an educated non-cushitic, non-semitic, native Muslim girl who got her education
4. Girl, you got all those going on, and you got your receipts with you. 

See, as much as we all try VERY HARD to portray a united front, dark skinned unnies and noonas everywhere in the world, with kinky hair, are getting the worst deal in a lot of things. 

Being a woman of colour is already hard enough to comprehend. Throw in the terms I used above and the difficulty goes from a hundred to five hundred. 

I am speaking with a lot of courage right now, and some pain from distant memories that just keep popping up everywhere in my mind. See, a sister like you just can't have her cake, and eat it. 

She can try, but she won't enjoy her 100% self-made cake. The highest percentage? Well, 10 to 20% if she is lucky. 

Now, a lot of people will probably get really mad about this when I write it out, but I am going to do it. I am completely fed up of how we are always treated like second or third rate Muslims just because we have darker skin and curlier hair that doesn't measure up to everyone else. 

I am not demanding respect. I know I already deserve it. If you just don't see it, then you just don't. 

So, why is it a big deal?

1. Skin colour
Your skin is beautiful. India Arie already said it. You don't need to change it. However, because a lot of our *koff* brothers *koff* tend to value lighter skinned women, we are all out here wasting our money on things that kill our melanocytes.

Is it really fair? Is it worth it? Those splotches don't come cheap, but somehow at the end of the day, we still end up on the losing team with co-wives he will use your money to feed, or as a single mum.

Do we really deserve this? Is it a crime to love wholeheartedly?



2. Hair
Hold up, so he told you that he likes girls with long, natural hair, right?

Right.

There are a lot of native Africans with kinky long hair, but these brothers just want to get the kink because they have a kink.

Nope. Your hair is your crown. Do what you want with it. Wear it well. Love it. It will love you back.



3. Team Forever Alone
Sigh.

They got us in chains. They really do.

Funny thing is, our other sisters of the book are treated much better than us. They even get proposals *le sob* and all we get are f**k boys.

F**k boys who take their time to pick out diamond rings and propose to our sisters of the book.

Allah is watching you.

Don't get me started on how the cushitic and semitic Muslim men think we all want their hair and lighter skin colour.

You must really be a narcissist.

And our brothers? The ones we should be in the same boat with? Oh, those Judas Iscariots are busy wooing the other Muslim sisters who are not black.

I can't even be angry anymore.



4. Shaadi Problems
How many single non-cushitic, non-semitic Muslim girls do you know right now?

How many married Cushitic and Semitic Muslim girls do you know right now?

Do the maths.





5. Easy to get into bed with
Audhubillah!

Still, they all think it. Might as well say it here.

A lot of us are classified as the 'easy to get into bed with' simply because everyone believes you are desperate to trap a man with pregnancy or 'you were my first'.

I was called a whore by someone who I refused to date. I wonder who I slept with while he was courting me? It definitely wasn't him. Or was it because I was always on my phone googling terms and notes for my next class?

Hmm. Must have been that.

Christian men have not spared us either. The number of offers to have sex I have gotten just keep increasing the older I get. When I first got a job, I was ordered to get pregnant, and was told that there was ready sperm all around me in case I couldn't get my fiancé to do it.

The nerve.



6. Fetishising
Suddenly, I feel like the Muslim version of Beyonce. *sings 'Single Ladies'*

Do I even have to explain it after the previous point? I am just tired of addressing it.

Also, stalking and texting me pictures of people getting it on to sway me is not going to work. I know a lawyer, and she's as mad as I am.

We are coming for you.



7. Stricter rules
Okay, so because I am a black, learned muslim girl, I can't even speak up when a man at work says something degrading?

Okay. I get it. We are insignificant.

Just wait till I am the boss of y'all. You're gonna regret it 🎵

Any type of unauthorised contact will be sexual assault, and derogatory terms will result in losing your job.

Beware.



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This was a post I had been thinking about doing for a very long time. I had to get it off my chest today.

I feel younger now. So, I am going to end this here. See you on my next post inshaallah.
Sincerely,
Me.

The Untamed

The Untamed. 

I titled this blog entry as The Untamed. Why? Well, because I really just can't stop smiling about that series. It is one of the most spoken about series from China. I still don't know why. Maybe because the main leads really connected...? There was actual chemistry like "whoosh!"

This is my first attempt at a topic like this, so I am pretty sure a lot of people will be wondering why I even talked about BL. Truth is, I believe that the LGBTQ+ community is not much different from the rest of us. We are all living in this world and we all have our own unique and beautiful characteristics. So, hating someone for being different is just sad. 

I don't want to go into that too much. I wrote this entry to talk about the proof that Lan Zhan and Wei Wuxian were partial to each other the entire series. 

So, here we are, all anxious to start off and everything. Before we do that though, how have you been? Have you stayed hydrated? Well, if you haven't, you need to do it. Now. Especially if you plan to watch this series. The sights are extremely eye catching, and your jaw will go slack from everything. I mean it. Seriously... Everything!

Also, why haven't I ever done a review or something similar to this...? Aigoo, this seems like so much fun. Is this the untapped future I see for myself? Wait... Untamed future...? Or unknown future...

I need to stop. 

Back to the story of disciples and epics and would you look at that... The Untamed! This might be as good as your... Wait, I really don't know what you had, so let me borrow a phrase from Korean. 

Hold on to your wigs people, because WangXian just might snatch them off.

I digress. 

Back to The Untamed, here are all the indications I could pick up about these two having feelings for each other. A lot of feelings. Can we do this now? 

1. The Huge Fight At The Roof
Wei Wuxian sneaked into Cloud Recesses after curfew with wine at hand when he came back from the town. The Jiang Clan of Lotus Cove forgot their invites so Wuixian went to retrieve them back at the tavern. On his way back, the young man buys Emperor's Smile, a kind of wine that he has been craving from Gusu Lan (which is funny because the disciples of Gusu Lan do not drink, but back to the story). Lan Zhan watches him until he turns around after climbing to the roof. What follows is a fight for Emperor's Smile's spillage. That at least seems to be Lan Zhan's driving force.

Break rules, get punished.

 Lan Zhan then punishes Wei Wuxian.

If I remember correctly, after forming a group, the first process of getting along is storming, at least that is what I was taught in Research Project Management back in undergraduate. 


2. "Lan Zhan"
Wei Wuxian kept on calling Lan Wangji by his name, "Lan Zhan." He'd do this every. Single. Thing. 

"Lan Zhan, look!"

"Lan Zhan, here!"

"Lan Zhan, wait for me!"


3. Subtle Stares
While Wei Wuxian was very loud at calling Wangji by his courtesy name (I think...?) Wangji would just stare at him. At first they were short, but then they kept getting longer and longer. The moment I realized this wasn't a story about epics and fighting, but also about love, I was like, 'so, what I was suspecting was real after all, wasn't it?'


4. Jealous Glares
Wuxian was a flirt. He was even worse than me (though that remains debatable hahaha. Okay, maybe I can be Ah-xian too). 

From the very first episode, Wangji had his eye on Wuxian. In class, in the library, in the courtyards... Everywhere. While it started off as a way to keep him in line after Lan Qiren obviously didn't trust him, along the way, it seemed to amount to something more. So he obviously saw Wuxian flirting with everyone. 

He'd flirt his way out of trouble, he'd do it to get information... I'd like to say that Wuxian was very similar to Xue Yang in mischief, the only difference being that Xue Yang loved to slaughter people. He was a killing machine that acted at the slightest provocation.

Back to WangXian... Wangji would look at Wuxian with the angriest look on his face any time he started flirting. You could tell the thoughts going through his head were, "you're flirting with other people... Am I not enough for you?!" 


5. The characteristic 'storm out of a room' walk.
Y'all, have you seen that little clip with the song phrase, "f*** this s*** I am out!" At some point? Yeah... What are we talking about...? 

What about Rachel storming out of her and Monica's apartment after Ross told her about his new girlfriend? Wasn't she Chinese?

Wait... I keep getting off topic. I know I sound like I am (maybe I am hehehe) but I swear I have a reason for this, okay? Just bear with me a little longer. 

So you remember these two scenes? Right? (Ooh looove scenario... Stop it girl, stob it!) Well...

The storming out? This always accompanied Wangji when he got upset over Wuxian's flirting. Then Wuxian would have to run after him yelling, "wait for me Wangji!"

Though was it really storming out of rooms or conversations...? Hmm...



6. Mirrored Actions
Wuxian quickly copied Wangji's actions any time they were out together. The first time I openly noticed this was when they were being hit for getting drunk together the night before the painful beating. Ouch. I felt that.

Don't even remind me of how I did. On to the next statement of this point. 

Wangji knelt resolutely, bearing the beating with a face that had no expression while Wuxian kept yelling about how much it hurt (I would too, but then when I was a teen and a preteen, I too got my fair share of caning from my teachers back in school. 

Spare the rod, spoil the child. 

On one glance at Wangji, he sat up and bore the beating like his friend. 

I thought that was admirable. Of course I did because my butt wasn't on the line! If it was, i'd be thinking "showoff." 

Yeah, I hated people who sat there and took their beatings like the strong people they were. Hate is a strong word, but... Yeah, I hated their straight faces. How can you not feel pain? How high is your tolerance for pain?!

This is not about me, I repeat. Not about me!


7. Wangji Shield
Wangji would probably protest this between episodes 2 to 10. He'd say he was protecting himself. Still, Wangji would stand up to defend Wuxian every single time he could. Remember the Aqua Demon episode when he grabbed him by the collar? The episode in the forest when they were looking for Yin Iron and the dire owl? The moment he got drunk and was disciplined by the disciples of Gusu? Remember the time when they were carrying dung to the farms at Qishan? 

When Wuxian came back, and couldn't use his sword, Wangji was always defending him, even from Fairy, Wuxian's nephew's dog (that really made me respect him. I was like, 'Wangji-ah, you kept a straight face despite discovering you were protecting Wuxian from a cute furry dog.' Yeah, I can't call it fat because JinLing might just be waiting round the corner to punish me... 

Also, I might have said Wuxian too many times. Excuse me JinLing, but your uncle is awesome. Okay? Back to the story though...)

Aigoo, how smitten he was! Then again, a true friend will gladly take a bullet for you!


8. The Shy Smile.
While Wangji hated seeing his confidante flirting with everyone, he'd always smile to himself when Wuxian did something nice or sweet for him. It was a very light smile, you would probably miss it if you weren't watching out for it. 

I saw that smile a number of times... Say four or five, but I am not too sure if they were that little or that many. You'll have to watch the series for yourself. 

Thankfully, even kids can watch it. Unless they have an aversion to sword fighting and zombies... Which makes me ask myself why Wen Ning was so cute even as an undead... Wait, what exactly was he...? Was he dead? Was he alive? Was he both...? 

A little help here? Hello...?

Still gonna him along to Twice's 'Cheer Up' and focus on the part that goes "shy shy shy."

Na na na na na na na mianhe,
Na na na na na na na shy shy shy,

Nan molla (I don't know)


9. Reciprocation
Wuxian is a very caring person, who would go out of his way to help everyone he could. While he is open to indicating and admitting this, Wangji is not (or maybe he is because Gusu Lan cannot let someone die without at least helping them in some way... Right?)

Wuxian attempted to help Wangji after he broke his leg, just before the Sun Shot Campaign began. He even offered to carry him, and asked Wen Qing to order a break when they were matching to the cave of the killer tortoise/turtle snake monster, Xuanwu (was it...?). 

In future, after getting the curse off Jin Ling's leg from the Banker at Walker Ridge (that's what the subtitles said.  Don't judge me), Wangji carries Wuxian to the tavern they'd spend the night at. He also readily trusted Wuxian in the same way Wuxian trusted him. 


10. Lan Wangji Pick Up Service
I saw this happen twice. It might have been more times though. The first was after Wen Qing found her unconscious brother Wen Ning at Qionqi Road (is that the name...?) With a spirit luring flag through his belly. Lan Wangji had gone to pick up Wei Wuxian and came with an umbrella that had the gay pride flag woven into it (subtle I tell you, subtle) around the handle near the top part of the umbrella. 

The second time was when he brought him back to the Cloud Recesses. This was when everyone still thought he was Childe Mo. Wangji knew who the potatoes he was, and I am starting to think it was because Wuxian played 'Wangxian' on his flute (you guys might have other opinions though... Maybe the heart just knew it was Wuxian. Maybe the ones reading the novel can tell us...? Help).

The third time was after Jin Ling and the rest of the cultivation world discovered that Childe Mo was actually Wei Wuxian. Jin Ling stabbed him, so he had to go back to Cloud Recesses to heal with Wangji's help.

Can we also remember how many times he told Wuxian to go back to Gusu with him? What about his visit to the burial mounds with little Ah-Yuan and Wuxian...? No...? Okay.


11. "I'd Like To Bring A Man Back to Cloud Recesses."
Wangji told his brother these words. I instantly knew it was Wei Wuxian he was talking about (like duh. I needed a filler sentence for that, plus that was the only other person Wangji would allow around him. Wuxian was the only person Wangji allowed to tag him around, or grab his hand and run into a tea shop.

🎵Only him. Only him. And no one else can fix it only him...🎵

I need to stop (singing... Making song references... Like this was actually from Little Mix featuring Cheat Codes...? 'Only You').

This was before Wuxian fell to his death. Wangji had increasingly become worried about Wuxian's abilities to control resentful energy and practice dark magic (because he tended to kill everyone he was mad at very painfully). His golden core was gone after all (oops, spoiler 😂).

So, Wangji approached the Master of Lan Clan of Gusu, who was also his brother, Lan Xichen, and told him that he wanted to bring a man to Cloud Recesses.

At that time, the dumb me thought he was just watching out for his friend. After rewatching and googling and checking with wattpad, I finally realised that Wangji really was partial to the loud Wuxian.


12. Drunk Wangji is Chaotic Wangji
Wangji got drunk twice in the series. The first time was within Cloud Recesses, and the second was when they were at Yiling (...?). The second time was when Wuxian watched, in shock, as Wangji handed him chicken, then declared it was all for him. He then wandered around looking like he was sober, but he really was drunk, and Wuxian pitied him and muttered "poor Wangji raised as a nobleman becomes a thief when he is drunk," or something in that line of thought.

Basically, Lan Wangji would do anything for Wei Wuxian, because the latter did everything before he died, to keep Wangji out of trouble. He sacrificed himself for Jiang Cheng, Wen Qing's clan, and even Wangji repeatedly.

Even after returning, he still tried to take the blame for everything despite being out numbered by all the people against him.

Seriously though, I have a question for Jin Ling. Why the potatoes did you have to stab Wuxian where his younger brother Jiang Cheng had years before? Are you uncle and nephew or brothers...?


13. Rock to Lean On
Wangji was a very supportive friend, especially after he found out that Wuxian started demonic cultivation after giving his golden core to Jiang Cheng. He let him have lotus nuts from someone's lake (but I suspect it might just have been Jiang Cheng's lake hihihi), and accompanied him everywhere.

This is also proof that Wangji is a jealous man. He gladly follows Wuxian everywhere, albeit more quiquietly than when Wuxian follows him.

He also nodded at Wuxian to play Chengqing at the Guangyin temple when Nie Mingjue's Baxia sword's spirit had possessed Wen Ning. Xichen almost glared at Wuxian for attempting to control the resentful spirit. After all, he too was playing his fine flute, but apparently, the spirit would only listen to Wuxian.

The people of Nie had blades instead of swords and the spirit (because they use them for cultivation purposes like other cultivators use their swords) inside the blades cannot be controlled by anyone once the owner of the blade dies. The blade can't be passed down to the next kin. Every leader has his own blade. Nie Mingjue was buried with his Baxia.


14. Raised Little Ah-Yuan
Wangji found Little Ah-Yuan, champion hugger of people's legs, and raised him in Cloud Recesses after the Siege of the Burial Mounds (Wuxian's home after he left the Jiang Clan of Lotus Cove). The little boy aged about four had a fever and had passed out. Wangji took him to Gusu and went into seclusion for three years after getting punished for siding with Wuxian.

When Wuxian came back sixteen years later, he met Lan Sizhui who got along pretty well with him. The connection was rekindled. Ah-Yuan was a grown up and one of the best students of the Lan Clan who took him in when his entire clan was exterminated. Wen Ning was left alive by the powers that be because he was to be controlled as a puppet by Xue Yang and Jin Guangyao.


15. Chemistry
A number of us have had that one friend whom you are so connected to, all you need to share is a look and you know what they're thinking.

This is exactly what WangXian had.

It started pretty early in the series, but became more noticeable when Wuxian returned from his death sixteen years later. The two worked hard together to find out who the Sword Spirit belonged to, got rid of Xue Yang, and discovered the accomplices of the delusional young man.

They also did duets together to appease the resentful spirits.

The chemistry was so good, I felt like a third wheel every. Single. Time. It took me back to the days when I had friends like that.

It was one amazing roller coaster ride.

Fun fact: in Kiswahili, Kenya's other national language, Chemistry goes by the name Kemia. Just thought you should know.


16. Head Tie Manenos
Remember how Lan Clan were very particular about their head ties and their three thousand laws? Wuxian didn't really care about them, unless he realized it would affect the serenity of Wangji's mind. The number of times he touched Wangji's head tie and the reactions were hilarious!

When he tried to do it the first time Wangji got drunk, his hands were slapped away.

The second time he did it, was when they entered the cave with the cold pond. Wangji wrapped the head tie around both their wrists and I started laughing because they looked like a married Indian couple about to go around the holy fire, but I digress.

The third time was when the paper puppet climbed onto Wangji's head and started to mess around with his head tie. He reacted affectionately and told him to stop messing around before helping him slip out of the room.

Can we also talk about how protectively he grabbed the paper puppet out of the air when it came back from Fragrance Hall? No? Okay.

So, only the parents and significant others can touch the head tie/band of a Lan Clan of Gusu inner disciple. Do the maths and get there quickly. Yes, Wangji had fallen quickly. He probably liked Wuxian before the trickster liked him back hihihi.

My OTP sailed!!! WangXian sailed!!!  Eeeeeep! *deactivate fan girl mode*

There's probably a lot more stuff but I am going to end this at this king... ERM, note.

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While I wouldn't know or. have much to say about LGBTQ+, I couldn't help but remember this one time when a friend of mine asked me if I was actually straight. I replied with, "no, i'm curvy."

In actual sense, I really don't know a lot of things, but I celebrate love whenever I see it. So, I celebrate The Untamed.

This might, or might not have been a review of the series. I really just wanted to write about the confusion I had when I first started watching it, and later discovered that these two actually loved each other. Perhaps Wangji finally took back Wuxian because the latter didn't have a place to crash... Perhaps he took him back because he realised he didn't want to live his life without Wuxian... Perhaps he admires what Song Lan and XianCheng had... Perhaps he actually truly loved him and didn't want to be without him...

I just know I love happy endings and Wei Wuxian got one. He deserved to be happy and to have a loyal friend who'd do everything to keep him safe and out of trouble.

On this note, i'd like to end this update and be on my way because this made me sappy and it isn't even Valentines Day.

Stay well until next time. Toodles!

sincerely,
Me.

Hunting

I'm hunting. 

I am looking for a new job since the last one went to the... Well, dogs, and now I need to get a new job because money is good and I need to have a balance in my bank account. A positive and healthy balance that updates itself every month. Not the kind of balance that scoffs at me when I need to dip my finger into the account. It legit scoffs at me like,"hey sweetie, you don't got any fan meets to attend as a fan, you don't got merchandise you buy, you don't got damaging lifestyle habits to fund... But what do you actually have? You are an embarrassment to your peoples and I."

I tell MY account to shut it and give me money but it always warns me to top it up with a salary and i'm like... "I get you, really, I do, but sista don't got a job, she hunting hard to get something new."

My bank account says I need to hunt harder, work harder, be louder... And other short stories. I find myself looking at my balance and I make a face. I'm like, "seriously, how did my life turn out this way?"

So i'm job hunting so that I can actually pamper my parents and grandparents in their old age. See, only my maternal grandparents are left, so I have to do my best to make them proud to have an educated grandchild. 

Back to the hunting update, so I am doing all sorts of applications: auditions, emails, sharing CVs... I really hope that I can get a call back. In my entire career, i've only ever gotten three callbacks asking me to go for an interview, and most times, i've probably never met the specifications or appealed to the company or organisation I have applied to. 

I don't know what lies ahead. I actually hope that things change soon. A recording label's contract, an NGOs contract, a government contract... Anything works... Though I had really been looking to get a label's contract. I think I got PTSD from my last job. 

People keep telling me that 90s kids are having it rough. I didn't know how bad it was until I found myself in this situation back in 2015. Getting a place to do my electives was aggravating. I remember almost losing my cool around the man who had told my friend and I to apply for it a week earlier. When I applied for my internship at the place I did my electives, someone lied to me about all the internship posts being filled and rejected my application. Going to the county government's offices yielded nothing fruitful either. I had to go to the neighbouring county to get a chance. 

Fast forward to months later, I was doing a year's unpaid internship and while I was glad to gain experience, the issue about medical cover in case of anything, and money for upkeep and transport was a common issue that crossed my mind. Eventually, I didn't even do the council's exams because there was no money earned from internship to pay for it. 

My luck seemed to change when I came to manage Delicious Delight (which closed down later). It was only for a short while as I had concurrently applied for an internship in an NGO which I got into. 

Maybe I shouldn't have thought things would change for the better then, because things only calmed down for three months. After that, trial by fire and brimstone ensued, and before I knew it, I was shoved out. The melee that ensued after my exit greatly changed everyone's minds. I can't even begin to express how surprised I was to find out all the crazy things that had happened while I took my leave and tried to pull through the shock of unemployment. 

That will undoubtedly be the best story to share on another day, probably under "bosses from hell" hhah.

Fast forward to today, and I am preparing to audition for a chance to enter a company that only wants people born after 1998 and who are men. Reason I am auditioning? Well, I have nothing to lose and, didn't man come from woman? 

I am a riot!

Seriously though,I have nothing to lose. I'm going to learn, practice, rehearse and sing a song that will be so good (or so bad, that works too, at least for my confused self and my vocal chords ha) that they'll all ask themselves what they ever did to get tortured by me (or blessed. If you are into that kind of thing). 

So, what's the checklist?

√ try everything

√ use your talents for everything and anything within my capabilities

√ express my flexibility

√ flex my abilities

√ aim to impress

√ be open to criticism

√ triple-check

√ keep going even when I hear nothing but silence (or static)

√ stay positive

√ keep smiling

√ prepare for Ramadhan (coz it is that time of the year again). 


NB: should work on a new channel trailer on my youtube though. What I have looks old haha. 


I have to go help out in the kitchen. It is almost lunch time. I will see you on my next update then. Till then, stay safe and warm. 

Bye!
Me.

Losing Faith

Being a Pisces is a rollercoaster ride.

Happy New Year, and welcome to my first post for 2019.

I couldn't sleep last night, so I stayed up till about 6.30am today, and napped till 9.00am ...? Then I found myself on Viki again (because of 'Pretty Li Huizhen') and now I finished watching it so i'm updating my blog.

I was supposed to go to town, stock up on a few things then visit a friend in the process (by surprise he he) but somehow I found myself lying back and I didn't want to leave my house (but when do I ever want to leave my safety zone...?).

You can imagine my surprise finding out that there were actually running battles between the youth and the police and that there was a shootout. I haven't a clue if there were any casualties. I'm just glad that my being a lazy Pisces probably saved my life.

My family thinks I am depressed. I don't even know if I am, because some days do feel better than others, especially when I have BTS, Viki and Wattpad to occupy my mind. I only leave my house when I get too hungry and I can't make soup because I am sick of it...

The last time I was feeling this low was when I was in high school... Somehow I got myself through it. Right now, I rely on both my family and myself to get through whatever pit I fell into. I don't know... I feel awkward writing about this.

Still, being a Pisces princess makes me laugh. A lot. There was a post recently about how different star signs reject people and no one could tell exactly how Pisces acted at first. Someone came up talking about how we never reject (he he, really... Maybe she was right) but I was all about "it depends on the mood. Pisces can react in any and every way (true. I know I can).

Side note: while I like to call Pisces " lazy" for fun, we actually aren't like that. We just choose to support what our guts like (I don't mean tummy. More like trust our intuition. So if we don't feel it, we won't pretend. We won't give it 100% unless we find a reason to).  Pisces are actually diligent but misunderstood people. I speak from experience. I have always done my best at any duty I've been given. Sometimes it measures up to something, while sometimes it doesn't. That doesn't mean i'm dumb. Doesn't mean any of us are. It just means that perhaps you need help to make it better. So don't beat yourself up about it.

I have lost my train of thought. BTS is playing. Good night.